Love and Too Many Expectations

If a person feels under constant pressure to conform to your desires, he or she will eventually rebel and might even - consciously or subconsciously - sabotage the relationship. You want this person to be there for you all the time; you want this person to behave a certain way, to be supportive, to be sensitive to your needs, to be spontaneous... You want this person to be a clairvoyant and read your mind. You want them to know in advance what you desire! This is not realistic... You need to be very clear and positive about what you want, and use proper communication, with positive words of encouragement.

For instance, you can't keep complaining that you're the only one doing chores. Instead, you need to be explicit about what you would like your partner to do, and ask him or her nicely. For instance, "Would you please take the rubbish out" or "Would you please check on the baby" is much better than sighing and whining that you're the only one who ever does anything in this house.

You would like your partner to be in tune with you at all times, but what about you being in tune with him or her? If you pile too many expectations on someone, that person will soon long for space and withdraw - or run away in the worst case scenario. Too many expectations will make them feel imprisoned and powerless, which in turn will make them long for freedom.

If you have too many expectations it can also make you depressed, as you'll end up feeling that you never get what you want. Instead of appreciating him or her, you feel that this person is inadequate, not really made for you. Once you thought the were your soulmate, and now you wonder what brought you together in the first place!

Put your expectations aside for a while. Your love life will automatically improve. You will begin to appreciate your mate and feel grateful for what they've got to offer, instead of looking at their defects. Remind yourself of what he or she does for you every day on a consistent basis. All these little things add up, so acknowledge them and praise your partner for them. Sometimes just being there for someone and putting up with this person is a great gift, one that is easily overlooked!

Not expectations, but praise and appreciation are the keys to good relationships.

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