How to Talk With Your Husband About Improving Your Marriage

 Improving your marriage is and should be easy because you probably know exactly what needs to be changed. The problem is your husband probably doesn't have a clue what's wrong with your marriage. In fact, he probably thinks everything is fine as is.

The biggest hurdle you need to get him to understand is that in order for everything to be fine, you both need to be content. You can work on improving your marriage by getting him to see how painless change can be and how great your marriage can and will be.

So how do you talk with your husband about improving your marriage?

The first thing I would recommend is that you prepare him for the conversation. The way you do so is stop letting him believe that everything is wonderful. I'm not suggesting that you complain or nag but simply be honest.

If you are unhappy because of the way things are going in your marriage you need to let your husband know and the sooner the better.
I would sit down beside him one evening, gently grab his hand with a smile on my face ask him if we could set aside some time in the next couple of days to talk.

Before you talk to him come up with the 3 most important things you need changed and how you believe these changes will improve your marriage.

So here's how I would approach it and how I see the conversation going with the end goal being improving your marriage;

"Hi Honey! I have been thinking about our marriage lately and I'd like to know if there is anything you would like to see change or me do differently to make our relationship better."?
His response! "No, sweetie, I can't see you doing anything different because I love you just the way you are. I couldn't be happier"!

Your response! "Well, Honey I have been thinking about improving our marriage and I want your thoughts on the following 3 things;"
Here's where you explain the following;

1. What is missing in your marriage that's making you unhappy.
2. What you would like to see different in your marriage.
3. Why you think these changes will improve your marriage.

Now, should your husband have his own list of ways for improving your marriage then that's even better. Your conversation can be more meaningful and effective.
Improving your marriage may seem like getting 4 wisdom teeth pulled at the same time but it won't be as painful if done with love, respect and commitment to each other.

There are many ways to start improving your marriage and talking to your husband in the right setting and right way will get you the marriage you desire and deserve.

Please don't wait until your anger, frustration and unhappiness cause you to no longer want or care about improving your marriage.

Get started by clicking on the following link and explore ways to improve your marriage that you probably never considered; Saving Your Marriage Today

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Do You Fee Alone In Your Marriage? Improve It Here

Honestly speaking marriage relationship is more uniting and hooked than ordinary partnership. You are not common room-mate, you are jointly married as ordained by God. If you are experiencing any challenge in your relationship check the following videos to fix your challenge permanently.

 

When You Are Being Nice, Are You Loving Or Controlling?

 

Our society has long trained children to be "nice." Being nice might mean:

• Telling white lies so as not to hurt another's feelings, such as agreeing with them when you really disagree.
• Listening politely when someone is going on and on, even when you are so bored you can hardly stand it.
• Pretending to not be affected by rudeness or sarcasm.
• Giving compliments that you don't really mean.

In your relationships with others, being nice often means being inauthentic. It can be a form of control - attempting to control how others feel about you or how they respond to you.
Being loving, on the other hand, means being honest and authentic. It means being kind, but truthful. Being loving is about caring about yourself and the other person, rather than trying to control the other person by being nice.

Hailey and Emma have been good friends for a couple of years. They speak regularly on the phone and meet for lunch fairly often. In one of my phone sessions with Hailey, she explored a situation concerning Emma that is a problem for her.

"I really like Emma, but I frequently get bored with our conversations. She tends to go on and on telling stories that don't seem to have a point to them. Most of the time the stories are really complaints about the people in her life. I'd be interested in the stories if they led to some interesting learning or exploration, but without that, I just end up feeling dumped on. It's getting so that I don't look forward to talking with her anymore."

"Hailey, how do you respond when Emma does that?"
"Well, sometimes I say, 'It would be more interesting to me if we could explore and learn something from this situation. Other times, I just listen."
"What happens when you do say that?"
"She just keeps going on and on."

"Hailey, it sounds like you are being nice to Emma as a form of control, rather than being loving to yourself and to her. You are letting her use you, which is not good for you or her. What are you afraid of in being authentic and speaking your truth?"

"I guess I don't know how to say it without being harsh and judgmental. I don't want to hurt her."
"So, what would you say to her if you were to tell your truth?"
"All I can think to say is that I'm bored, and I think that would be hurtful to her."

"Hailey, the key here is to really let her in on your truth with a desire to learn about her rather than control her. For example, you might say, 'Emma, I have a hard time staying connected with you when you complain and tell stories. I find myself feeling bored and my mind wanders. I've mentioned it before, but you keep doing it. There must be some good reasons that it's important to you to do this.' How do you think she would respond if you said this?"

"I think she would be open to it. We could probably get into a really good discussion about it and it would be far more interesting than the story-telling and complaining."

"The challenge is that you may need to do this many times, each time she goes on and on. For most people, their behavior is habitual. Emma may be addicted to complaining as a way to get attention and sympathy. She will likely not stop just because you speak up once. You will need to speak up over and over, focusing on being loving rather than on being nice.

 The only way you will be able to do this is if it is more important to you to be loving to yourself and to her than it is to attempt to control how she feels about you by being nice. It is not loving to yourself to allow yourself to continue to feel bored and used, and it is not loving to her to allow her to continue to behave in a way that pushes people away from her. Your honesty and desire to learn is far more loving than your niceness."

"Well, I'm going to try this. It will be a challenge for me. I think I'm addicted to trying to control others by being nice, but I really like the idea of being authentic!"

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Relationships Course: "Loving Relationships: A 30-Day at-Home Experience with Dr. Margaret Paul - For people who are partnered and people who want to be partnered."

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

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